


Love Her Like I Do

by poppunkwolf



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6698380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppunkwolf/pseuds/poppunkwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eve shows Annalise the most romantic city in the world. Nothing could prepare her for the beauty and the angst of falling for the woman her best friend is going to marry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Her Like I Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thesturridgedance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesturridgedance/gifts).



> This story is based on this prompt from mamadousakhos:
> 
> http://mamadousakhos.tumblr.com/post/141585831036/oh-but-now-i-want-an-au-where-nate-and-eve-are
> 
> Thank you to Shaloved30 for beta-ing~

 

She spotted them sitting together in the outside seating of the bistro. Nate had his arms around a gorgeous woman, clearly his soon-to-be fiancée. The sun struck her, illuminated her, like it had been waiting all its life for this moment. The woman – Annalise - snuggled closer to Nate and looked up at him with contented eyes and a shy, closed-mouth smile as he held her and looked at his menu. Since she’d last seen him, he had gotten even more fit – if that was even possible – and the lady seemed shrunken in his embrace.

“We meet again!” she called out as she approached.

He looked up from his menu and his eyes lit up. A smile spread across his face. “Eve.” He maneuvered from his seat and stood to embrace her.

She closed her arms around him and lifted her feet as he spun her in giddy joy. She laughed when he put her down and said, “Show off.”

He smiled and put his arm around Annalise’s waist when she too stood to join them.

“Eve, meet Annalise. This is the lady I’ve been raving about.”

Annalise said, with a smile that lit her whole face, “Nice to meet you. I feel like I’ve known you the whole time, the way he talks you up.” She was beautiful with large eyes and deep, glowy skin.

Eve placed a kiss on each of Annalise’s cheeks and said, “Same. So good to finally meet the woman Nate described as a perfect goddess-”

Annalise swatted Nate.

“-that he is completely head over heels for.”

“Learn to take a compliment,” Nate teased Annalise.

“He didn’t even need to try and convince me to worship you,” Eve said, as they each took a seat at the table. “You have a résumé to die for. I read about your winning the David Allen case.”

“The pièce de résistance of my career,” Annalise replied. “Though you’re obviously the crème of death row attorneys.”

“No work talk,” Nate insisted. “I gathered you here today, the lady in my life and the best friend I have, because I can’t wait to have a wonderful two weeks without work in one of the best cities in the world. Who knows what great things can happen when you spend two weeks in Paris?” He sent Annalise a wink.

“Time for a toast,” Eve said. Annalise and Nate had glasses of wine already. Eve raised her glass of water which had already been brought to the table and said to Nate, “To being reunited.” To Annalise, she said, “And to the excitement of getting to know each other.”

Annalise looked her in the eye when she toasted with a smile, and Eve imagined it getting even brighter when Nate revealed the surprise, the proposal he was planning to make after a few days of romance. The rest of the time afterward, Nate had covertly explained to her, would be spent touring businesses and vendors they could choose for the Paris wedding of their dreams when they returned at some future date. Annalise would not expect the proposal. The length of their relationship was just approaching a year, but it was an intense and emotional one and, he said, he knew they were ready. She’d say yes.

 

From the bistro they went to a lounge and ordered more liquor and danced to something moody and European. When they parted ways, she coyly suggested the three of them should “get together maybe after Wednesday?” as if she hadn’t helped Nate plan every detail of their trip after the proposal. It was his and Annalise’s chance to just be excited before the “serious” planning started, and by Nate’s design, it was Annalise’s chance to bond with Eve as she showed them around the city: the most perfect dress boutiques, flower shops, restaurants that could serve as potential caterers, as well as venues and hotels. It was going to be adventurous for her as well, getting to see the city with fresh eyes after having lived there a couple of years.

Paris in the summertime was like a work of art. People came from everywhere to show their deepest love to one another. The moonlight on the Sacre Coeur illuminated people in their embraces, vanishing all their woes. The city wasn’t simply like a painting, with landscape and lights. It was every piece of architecture, every film, every poem, every symphony all rolled into the most romantic place to ever exist.

It was ruining her.

Yes, she had gone out with plenty of women. They were worldly, stylish, accomplished, fun. If the mood struck them, she might end up in someone’s sheets back at their flat with them, leaving in the morning rarely to call them again. She was busy.

At least Nate was here. He was a great wing man, although he was obviously going to be more focused this vacation on advancing his own relationship than finding one for her. He’d told her last summer - like he was shy about it but couldn’t hold it in - that he was seeing this new woman and she was kind of amazing.

“If that’s how you feel, I’m glad,” Eve had said, not saying the unspoken thing, the thing that was not hers to determine. “Tell me more about her.” He’d texted a photo. She was stunning. She was sitting in a chair with her legs on a desk, ankles crossed, a power pose, but her prim dress and sweet smile held a genteel charm. “I can tell she’s a southern belle,” she’d texted back, and he’d replied with a playful wink. This Annalise Keating was going to be something else.

 

In the morning, she was awaken by her phone – Nate. As she answered it, she sat on her bed and looked out at the view. The morning sunlight provided a champagne-tinted glow on the early rendezvous of the couples on the grass surrounding the Sacre Coeur. “Bonjour mon ami.”

“Eve, I don’t know what to do, it’s falling apart already.”               

“What? Did she say _no_?”

“The proposal is Wednesday after the boat ride, you know that. Or at least, it would have been, but work called. There’s been a breakthrough in the Tuckerman case. We caught him.”

“ _No_. After three years?”

“Yes, but I can’t move forward unless I’m at the precinct in person. And if I’m not there to help work the case and bring my intel, he could even walk and you know he’ll go underground.”

“…Oh no.” The reality of the matter was starting to set in. “But there’s no way you can go back. This vacation is everything to you.”

“This case has been everything to me for years. This is my chance at a promotion. And more importantly, this guy is dangerous. If he walks, who’s to say he won’t kill someone?”

“They really can’t let you just FaceTime?”

“I’ve considered calling in every favor and loophole, but even if I did, it would be career sabotage. And Annalise doesn’t know yet, but when I tell her, she’s gonna agree and tell me to get my ass back to Philly.”

“But that sucks.”

“It sucks for me, but I don’t want it to suck for her. So I have a favor to ask you.”

“Anything, yeah.”

“I can’t propose and then leave town, so I have to find another time to surprise her with the proposal, but meanwhile what if I convince her to stay, and you still take her to all those places we planned for the three of us? Plus nothing would mean more to me than you getting to know her. I want you to love her like I do.”

“Okay, you don’t have to justify it, I’m in,” Eve said. “But how am I supposed to take her wedding planning when you don’t want her to know about the proposal?”

“Be creative.”

“No, Nate, this is crazy, how the hell am I supposed to get her to try on wedding dresses?”

“Just suggest a café, and en route you’ll happen upon the shop and you’ll do the girly thing with her. Suggest she try some of the dresses on like you spontaneously thought of it.”

“Nobody does that.”

“When she gets married, she wants a wedding in France with all French everything, including the gown. She’s mentioned this, though I don’t think she thought I was paying attention. You have to do it. Help her. Be smooth. Plus, she’s stylish, but she’s also not the type of person to spoil herself and give in to what she really wants. Without someone to get excited about it with her, she’s gonna hold back. I need you to help her to see the kinds of things she deserves.”

“You’re really in love with her,” Eve observed.

“She’s very special to me.”

“Then she’s special to me, and I promise she’s in good hands. She’s literally the most brilliant lawyer in America and her whole life involves piecing evidence together, so I can’t promise the whole scenario won’t be painfully obvious to her. But I’ll try.”

           

Annalise was the next person to call her. “Eve,” she said, “you’re sweet for agreeing to show me around the city even without Nate. But you don’t have to do that.”

“Are you kidding, I’d be thrilled to spend this time with you. Anything for you and Nate.”

“This is the biggest case of his career and I told him I’d basically kill and bury him if he turned down the chance to work right now.”

“You two _are_ perfect together,” Eve teased. “I can just picture the workahol in your cabinets.”

“Well now that I’m away from my cabinets,” Annalise said, “I’m ready to live it up. Let’s go out for brunch.”

“Yes! Yes, I’m not sure of the address right now, but there’s a spot I heard has great food that I’ve been meaning to check out. I’ll text the information to you.”

They hung up, and Eve searched for a brunch place on the same boulevard as the dress boutique. Three blocks away was a place serving brunch. Perfect – they could lounge there and then stroll to the shop that opened after noon. She casually linked it to Annalise like she’d had it all along.

           

“And now the kid basically calls his victim’s mom every week or so, and it’s become the textbook case on restorative justice. I still do media interviews, on top of the ones for the books my colleagues in poli sci, criminal justice, and public policy are doing.” Annalise stirred her martini and took a sip, leaning forward in her booth to speak to Eve in intimate tones.

“I would never, ever forgive someone in a situation like that. You’re a patient woman for even representing that guy.”

“I didn’t understand the other boy’s mom at first. But I came to understand her need to move on, to not see someone else’s son suffer in a way that isn’t even reforming him. And you know, grief comes in many forms, just like healing.”

“Speaking of healing and grief… I’m glad you’ve been there for Nate.”

“Nate feels big feelings but isn’t the kind of guy to put every emotion out there. So I’m glad he feels like he can talk to me. We each learned that in grief counseling.”

“Nia was a good person.”

Annalise paused. “I forgot you knew her.”

“For a while, yeah. We weren’t quite friends, I would say. I always admired her presence, her elegance, and she made Nate happier than I’d ever seen. But she didn’t like me much. She thought it was weird for Nate to spend so much time with another woman, and he’s terrible at communication so he was super late telling her I don’t even date men. If he had said something, it might’ve stopped the impasse from developing between me and her, but I’ll never know. She was good to him though. She was good, in general. And I’m sorry for your loss, too.”

Annalise did a blasé shrug. “Sam wasn’t a good person. It’s not what I’m supposed to say, but c'est la vie.” She took another sip of her martini.

Eve downed the last of hers. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Annalise examined her glass before looking up at Eve. “Let’s just say a lot of what I know about alcohol is due to trying to cope with his vileness.”

Eve straightened up. “ _Oh_. Should we not be-”

“Oh, no, it never got that serious. Not through the lying, cheating, getting a student pregnant…”

Eve gasped.

“Don’t worry, she did the right thing and got him suspended by telling the school – after telling me. And aborting. She’s doing well now. She does activism around the right to choose, and now she’s dating this grungy girl her age who she’s adorable with. I can’t even say I forgave her because Sam was so clearly the one who was wrong. I see myself in her – someone he had power over, but who is too strong now to manipulate.”

Eve looked into Annalise’s eyes, listening, thinking. “I’m glad you’re doing so well,” she said.

“You have no idea.”

 

As they strolled from the restaurant, Eve did a quick scan of her surroundings to orient herself, then said, “Hey let’s just walk this way and explore.” She traipsed down the street like she’d chosen a random direction.

Annalise, in step beside her, said, “I hope I wasn’t sharing too much back there.”

“Not at all,” Eve replied.

“Because you seemed to hesitate when I was talking about Sam.”

A smile crept to Eve’s face. “I was pleasantly surprised. I was thinking about what a relief it was to be talking to someone about something deeper than whether it’s going to rain. You know, they say you shouldn’t get stuck befriending other people just because they speak English, but it’s tempting to do that, even though I’m fluent. Because people here are very… they’re not interested in even trying to be your friend until the umpteenth time they’ve been around you. So I was just thinking about that. Especially because I know it’s probably hard to talk about grief outside of your support group.”

“I think it’s your face,” Annalise said lightly, almost teasing. “You have one of those ‘overshare to me’ faces. I’m sure you’ve gotten that before.”

“Au contraire, never in my life,” Eve laughed.

“I actually never talked to that grief group about what an asshole Sam was,” Annalise confessed. “I only went a few times before realizing I was actually doing more than okay. So not even Nate knows.”

“You never talked to Nate about him?”

“Sam is dead and buried and I want to keep him there.”

Eve didn’t feel confident about changing the subject, but didn’t have a choice. “La Robe Parfaite,” she read out loud on an upcoming storefront sign. “You know what would be fun? Let’s go in and try dresses on.”

Annalise shook her head. “That is not the kind of store to casually try things on.”

“We’ll pretend we have this important engagement coming up, and it’ll be funny. C’mon, humor me, just to be spontaneous,” Eve begged, feeling a sense of triumph as Annalise’s cheeks turned into an exasperated smile.

“Okay, I’ll follow your lead.”

Through the window she saw that there were wedding gowns as well as ball gowns and dresses for other occasions. She opened the door for Annalise, who walked in ahead of her.

“Hi, ladies. Welcome to La Robe Parfaite,” a young woman greeted them in French. “For what occasion are you shopping today?”

“A wedding,” Annalise said confidently.

Eve felt Annalise’s hand join hers. Before she had time to look confused or surprised, Annalise spoke.

“I’m Annalise, and this is my fiancée Eve, and we both want a dress for our wedding ceremony.”

Eve was grateful for the poker face that decades of courtroom experience had taught her. “I proposed recently,” she said. “We want the couture at the wedding to stun our friends and relatives.”

“How lovely, how amazing,” the clerk gushed. “Cloe, come join us,” she called. When Cloe came from the back, she said, “We’re going to help Annalise and Eve find the perfect two dresses – they’re marrying _each other_.” She said “each other” like it was the most thrilling thing that had ever happened in the shop.

Annalise sent Eve a coy, charming grin and Eve felt her cheeks burn at the delight and intimacy of their tall tale.

They were fawned over in taffeta and tulle and ruffles and lace, bodices, bandeaus, straplessness, and halters. There was every length of dress, every length and style of veil, and even a wide variety of colors, from at least a hundred variations of white to dusky pinks and lavenders.

Getting into and out of the dresses was a group ordeal, and Eve gave up after three or four, especially since so many of them were pretty but didn’t necessarily have that je ne sais quoi. That was the thing she told herself before remembering the larger reason, which was that this wasn’t actually her wedding. She sat and waited for the ladies, Cloe and the other one, to finish helping Annalise into the latest. They insisted on doing it behind a dressing divider so they could have a grand reveal of the bride to the bride.

And then Annalise came from behind the divider, and it almost broke her brain because she hadn’t imagined that such a true vision of loveliness could exist in person. The dress was a very full-skirted tulle gown that gathered in spilling layers in the back, which gracefully touched the floor yards behind her. The beaded bodice showed her delicate shoulders and stunning back.

And then there was the look in her eyes as she gazed straight at Eve with the biggest smile on her face. It was a look of joy, and of expectation, like she wanted Eve’s _approval_.

Eve realized at that moment that no one would ever gift this dress with the grace that Annalise bestowed upon it.

“Wow,” she breathed.

“Look at her,” the sales lady swooned. She turned to Eve. “This is the one.” She scrambled to primp and fix the train, then came back to Eve’s side to admire Annalise. “And then imagine her with the veil, with her hair in maybe a chignon. You’ll probably want to book a separate day just to confirm the veil, but this dress, this is it.”

Eve just nodded, looking at Annalise.

The sales lady continued, “Seeing that look on both of your faces, that’s what I love – we keep trying on dresses until we have that moment… I can tell how much you can’t wait to walk down the aisle to her in this.”

Eve’s eyes stayed on Annalise, and they held each other in that sweet lull.

“I think it’s safe to say this is the one?” Cloe asked.

Not knowing what else to do, she nodded and approached Annalise. “You look stunning.” She took Annalise’s hands. “What do you think?”

Annalise nodded. “This is what I’m gonna marry you in.”

“Of course,” Eve said, turning to the sales ladies, “we have to come back to really be sure.”

She made a note to call the shop later and tell them to actually hold the dress for them.

For Annalise, she corrected herself in her head.

Annalise would be breathtaking when she wore it down the aisle to Nate.

Once they’d bade au revoir to their shop ladies with an exchange of contact information, they stepped out into the sidewalk and clasped hands in giddy giggles.

“I just realized,” Annalise declared, “there’s nothing stopping me from moving to another country and becoming a different person. I could tell people anything I want and change my whole life. Do you feel a high from that?” She touched her own cheeks. “I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. It was so strange.”

“What was the most strange about it?” Eve asked, hoping she herself was not the answer.

“Being a beautiful, fawned over, glamorous bride,” Annalise said without hesitation. “Being someone’s fiancée. Just the idea of being excited to get married. I wasn’t excited to marry Sam. I had an intuition about him, and I felt a lot of dread that I ignored.”

Eve squeezed her hand tighter. When had they began holding hands? Oh well – ladies in France were like that with each other, even platonically.

“It was a cute touch,” Eve said. “You telling them we’re engaged.”

“Well it was your idea, I just went with it,” Annalise replied.

“ _My_ idea? You could have knocked me over with a feather,” Eve said.

“You said that we should pretend we’re engaged,” Annalise insisted.

Eve traced her steps in her head. “Oh my God. Oh. I meant engagement, as in…”

“Oh.” Annalise laughed. “Well it doesn’t matter anymore,” she resolved lightheartedly. “We had fun.”

“Yeah. Also, about that whole weird thing the lady said about me looking like I wanted to walk you down the aisle…”

“She was reading into things,” Annalise said. “I get it. Let’s stop in this dessert shop.”

Eve had assumed she would need to cajole Annalise into a dessert place, but serendipitously this one had garnered her attention and seemed like they were wedding-appropriate. It had a small seating section and they each ordered and were served a crème brûlée.

“This is delectable,” Annalise gushed after the first bite.

“Would you serve it to others? For example, at a party?” Eve asked nonchalantly.

“Yes?!” Annalise responded, adorably puzzled.

Eve was already feeling as if her cover was blown, but proceeded as if it were not. She shrugged. “Just wondering.” She pretended to be distracted, and made another note in her phone of what this place was called, useful to give Annalise and Nate later. She liked the crème brûlée too, but reminded herself that this was irrelevant because it was not her big event. “What’s your favorite food of all time?”

Annalise gave a reminiscent smile. “My mama’s cornbread and collard greens. She would always make other things with it, but those were my two favorites. She adds a little extra sugar to the cornbread, so it’s almost a dessert. And her greens practically melt in your mouth. Great, now I’m hungry again.”

“What French foods are your favorite, then?” Eve asked, seizing this segue to talk about reception entrees, since Annalise having her mother cook for every guest didn’t seem like it would go into the plan.

“Well, this now,” Annalise said with a laugh, pointing with her spoon to her dessert, which made Eve laugh too. “What are yours?”

Eve thought about it. “There’s this place where food trucks hang out near my flat, and you can get so many different foods – sandwiches, salads, desserts like apple pie à la mode. French food, but also French fusion. Some of them are more interested in being chic than good, but a lot are amazing, like this truck that does flambé in the back, right in front of you.”

“Let’s do it.”

“Another thing,” Eve said lightly. “It was clear you and Nate needed your own space as a couple, so I understand why you were in the hotel, but now that it’s just you, I just wanted to put it out there that you could come stay in my guest bedroom for the rest of your stay. If you want. I mean, it just makes sense to me.”

Annalise’s face lit up. “I’d appreciate that. I got used to sleeping in an empty house after Sam, but it’s not fun. I would way rather stay over with you.”

The rest of the evening went without any more wedding plans, just hanging out in the neighborhood square and Eve laughing at Annalise’s dramatic reactions to the stranger cuisine that France had to offer.

The day ended with Eve moving Annalise’s suitcases into her guest bedroom, which had been serving as her study and den. When she settled into her bed that night, she couldn’t help but feel giddy at the adventure that lay before them.

 

“Keep your blindfold on, we’re almost there.” Eve held Annalise by the shoulders, leading her through the path.

“Are we in a prairie?” Annalise asked.

“Why would you think that?”

“Because it smells like a thousand roses.”

“You’re the worst to try to surprise,” Eve announced cheerfully, untying Annalise’s blindfold.

She watched as Annalise looked around in surprise, wonder, joy. “We’re in a rose garden.”

“A rose garden that has some of the most beautiful, most fragrant flowers in the country,” Eve gushed. “And I thought it would be fun to eat here.”

A beautiful cerulean blue butterfly landed gracefully on Annalise’s head.

Eve watched it settle, then gently reached out and brushed it away, careful with Annalise’s hair.

Annalise too reached out and stroked Eve’s hair. For a second, she wondered if Annalise misunderstood the gesture, but Annalise said, “You have butterflies too.”

“We’re like a couple of fairytale princesses,” Eve said with a smile. “If you could pick just one kind of flower to take home, which would it be?”

Annalise looked around again, slowly, at the botanical abundance surrounding them. “I can’t bring myself to pick one. Look at them.” Annalise pointed to the flowers overhead, decorating miniature trees. Some spilled from baskets hung high. Many wound through the path. They came in vibrant purples, soft lavenders, bright reds, fiery oranges, sunshine yellows, and fresh-snow whites.

“I’d love if they held some kind of events here,” Eve said. “Like a concert. Wouldn’t you love that?”

“There isn’t enough seating,” Annalise said.

“True. But there’s a good amount of standing room. It’s at least a great aesthetic, right? Flowers absolutely everywhere?”

“Oh, I agree,” Annalise said. “It would be such a pretty setting for so many reasons. I’m sure people with smaller ceremonies get married here. It’s at least the perfect place to get a bouquet.”

“I’m really hungry, let’s go sit outside in a grassier area,” Eve suggested. They headed to a hill a ten minute walk from the gardens. There were dozens of other people around them, but it was still a breathtaking sight to look out at the many fountains, the lake, the trees and flowers that made up the park. On their blanket, Annalise looked out at the people as they strolled by.

“That couple?” Annalise pointed to a sixty-something man and woman as they walked along the sidewalk. “It’s their first date.”

Eve focused on them for a few moments. “I see it. He’s looking at her like he’s interested in what she’s saying, but his shoulders are raised, and he keeps folding his arms. Totally nervous body language.”

“Which isn’t necessary,” Annalise pointed out. “She’s into him, but nervous too. See how she keeps putting her hair behind her ears, then touching her hair? She’s smiling at him and grazing her clavicle area.”

“I hope they find love here,” Eve said.

“It seems like the best place to fall in love.”

“I think it would be too,” Eve said wistfully. “I imagine.”

“So you, a beautiful and amazing woman in the most romantic city in the world, haven’t had a relationship out here?” Annalise asked skeptically.

“Women in France are hard to uncrack. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just really picky.”

“I can see that, but it makes sense for you to be picky,” Annalise said. “A woman would have to be so great to be compatible with you. She’d have to be extremely accomplished, well traveled...”

“Stop,” Eve requested, but couldn’t help but smile.

“And well read, I assume. I can tell you’re a renaissance woman.”

Just then they heard the sound of a child shrieking joyfully, and a toddler came crashing into Annalise. He fell into her lap, holding a piece of orange, which he somewhat smeared on her as he scrambled to stand, with Annalise’s help.

“Pardon,” a woman called, chasing after him. She scooped him into her arms. “Say sorry to this lady,” she requested mild-naturedly in French, though Eve could not tell if he was old enough to even talk, and he did not.

“It’s okay, he’s adorable,” Annalise assured her.

Eve nodded along with a sweet smile.

“Merci,” she replied cordially, strolling away with her baby.

Annalise grabbed a napkin to wipe orange off of her shirt. “There are so many families, so many kids,” Annalise remarked pleasantly.

“Do you have children?” Eve asked.

Annalise shook her head. “You?”

“I was never that into the idea. And I think you should feel something stronger than ambivalence in order to do it, so I didn’t. Is that how you felt?”

“We tried,” Annalise replied. “Me and Sam, I mean. It didn’t work out.”

“It’s not too late with Nate. I know it was one health problem after another with Nia, and it was hard on them, never the right time. But he’d be such a great dad. He has a huge heart and kids love him. He’s always wanted so badly to be a father.”

Annalise’s head turned to Eve, and Eve noted the surprise and - she couldn’t help sensing – dismay in her knitted eyebrows. “He does?”

“…Yeah… which you clearly haven’t discussed.”

“We haven’t.”

“I’m sorry, I think you should just talk to him. I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Annalise looked away silently.

“So… you don’t want kids anymore,” Eve concluded gently. “I don’t even know if what I’m saying is the most updated information,” she offered, but she could not imagine Nate wanting to continue to be childless. “Things could have changed after Nia.”

Annalise sighed, turned to her. “I don’t know why he never brought it up. It’s normal for me to assume we’d never have kids at this point in life. Right? He can’t just expect something else.”

“Just talk to him,” Eve said.

“It’s just…” Annalise nervously smoothed the corner of the blanket. “This is the kind of thing that ends up being a dealbreaker. And I don’t want that.”

“He loves you. He adores you so much,” Eve said.

“I’ll talk to him,” Annalise assured her. She sounded guarded and sad.

 

“I hope you’re ready to be romanced,” Eve said, leaning cooly against the elevator walls. “Because today’s activity was designed to win your heart.”

“I’m feeling romanced already,” Annalise assured her, laughter in her tone.

Eve had told Annalise that they were going on one of the “dates” Nate had booked, a thing he had not been able to cancel or get money back for, but also an event it made sense for Eve to do with her instead. Annalise was less aware that it was Eve in the first place who had suggested it, thus Eve was actually taking Annalise on the romantic adventure she had planned before they had even met – and before it had been complicated by the fact that everything beautiful, brilliant, and fabulous about Annalise would bring a new dimension to just what she was pretending about.

She wasn’t going to let it affect her. It was no big deal, really. They had become instant friends, and that was what she wanted.

“Should we do the faux engaged thing again?” Annalise asked.

“I’m starting to think you just like imagining you’re marrying me,” Eve teased.

“I’m just asking because I have no idea why we’re in this hotel, or what’s gonna be on the rooftop, or if it’s a couples-only thing we have to change our story for.”

“I promise if we ever need to assume fake identities, I’ll prepare you ahead of time, not three floors away on the elevator,” Eve said.

The elevator stopped, and they stepped out onto the rooftop. “Voila,” Eve announced.

There was the most beautiful and quintessential view of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. The rooftop was all pretty oak tables and tasteful, winding vines with bloomy red flowers, and rafters with the sun shining overhead.

“Eve, this is breathtaking,” Annalise said.

“Welcome to the Eiffel Tower paint and sip,” the hostess greeted them. “I heard the name Eve, so I assume you’re Annalise?”

They nodded.

“Wonderful. You have the opportunity to get to know other couples and paint France’s most prized architecture in a completely relaxed environment, with wine! Pick your easels, and we’ll get started soon.”

They settled at the spot with the best view and politely greeted the others around them.

“You’re sweet,” Annalise said. “This is cute. Or I should say Nate is cute. You and Nate. Also,” she added smugly, “that lady thinks we’re a couple anyway.”

“Okay, if that somehow makes you feel like you won,” Eve teased.

The instructor of the class showed them how to begin with a backdrop, mixing white and blue into a nicely matched pastel sky color, and she explained the concept of building layers as you go.

Annalise and Eve split a bottle of wine and halfway through it gave up their resolve to do anything but the most avant-garde of paintings. Annalise’s featured a type of silhouette of the tower surrounded by Monet-esque flowers, and Eve’s was just a blur of colors.

“Very creative interpretations, ladies,” the instructor said, causing them to suppress giggles at what they imagined could not have been a sincere compliment.

“I would have loved to see Nate’s painting,” Eve said. “Do you think he would’ve fared better than us?”

“Nate would have taken it very seriously,” Annalise replied. “His painting would have looked like photography.”

“Being meticulous is his forte,” Eve agreed.

“Let’s toast to Nate for coming up with this idea,” Annalise suggested. “It’s unfortunate he had to go back to the US, but it does mean a lot to me to see he made such an effort to be romantic.” She held out her glass.

“To Nate,” Eve said, clinking her glass against Annalise’s.

 

 

Over breakfast the next morning, Eve said, “Have you heard of Marie Thibault?”

Annalise looked at her pensively. After thinking for a moment, she said, “She killed her parents.”

“She killed her _father_ ,” Eve corrected. “When she was sixteen, her father murdered her mother – and got away with it. She suspected it and found evidence, but because she has dissociative identity disorder, she was dismissed by the police. They made fun of her. Some of them knew her father, Guillaume Thibault, who ran the bar they frequented.”

“Poor thing,” Annalise said.

“Yes, and one night her father went on a violent rampage against her and her younger brother, so in the moment she got a knife and she stabbed him.”

Annalise tore her toast in half. “It sounds like he deserved it.”

“He did,” Eve said.

Annalise looked up at her. “So… you think it’s okay for a vigilante to take the law into her own hands?”

“It’s not about being a vigilante, or taking the law into your own hands. It’s about self-defense. And for her it was also about defending her brother.”

Annalise was focused on her toast, now in a dozen pieces. “Why are you bringing this up?”

Eve sighed. “I know it’s not really a vacation-type activity… but come with me to see her?”

Annalise put her toast down. “So that’s the research you’re doing out here.”

Eve nodded. “My book is going to be called _The Fall of the Guillotine_. It’s a critique of the ways that the law leaves victims sans recourse, and the ways that US law differs from French law, where the death penalty has been outlawed since the ‘80s. Is it more fair? Is it humane to imprison someone for life? And Marie is a sympathetic victim, but she still got sentenced to life, and has spent the past ten years at the prison. I’ve also talked to people that you do _not_ want running the streets. So how does relatability, the perceived innocence of the most famous of the imprisoned, contribute to policy on what justice even is?”

“So you’re doing interviews,” Annalise said. “I’d love to come along and see the great Eve Rothlo at work.”

Eve replied, “This is just a very informal visit. She’s a four hour drive from here. She’s expecting me today.”

“As long as it doesn’t make her feel like I’m a voyeur.”

“Oh no,” Eve explained. “She’ll be thrilled to have another visitor. I’ll tell her ahead of time so she can add you. It means a lot to her to see new people.”

 

She knew that Annalise would not get the full impact of that statement until they were in front of Marie.

“Eve knows all my secrets,” Marie said, focused, as she dealt out a deck of cards in a series of piles.

‘I know _some_ of your secrets,” Eve said, watching the game unfold. “Some of them I haven’t figured out. I guess all that time in here lets you come up with new math genius tricks that no one has ever heard of.”

“It’s not math. It’s magic,” Marie replied haughtily, before turning over a six of spades. “Is this your card?”

“Yes!” Annalise said, clearly genuinely entertained.

“Have they started giving you the new medication?” Eve asked.

“Oui, oui,” she replied. “Bien sur.” She gathered all of the cards and began shuffling again.

“Call me if they take it away,” Eve said. “You have to call me right away, as soon as you miss a dose, or you’ll probably never remember to call me,” she pressed.

“Annalise does not want to hear this boring conversation,” Marie said. “She came all this way to get to talk to me, so let me get to know her.”

“What do you want to know about me?” Annalise asked.

“Are you an orphan?” she asked.

“No,” Annalise replied. “My parents are both alive.”

“Oh,” Marie said. “You have that orphan vibe. The ennui of prison means you learn many talents. Like how to spot an orphan, or an orphan-like person.”

“My mom is alive,” Annalise insisted.

Eve could hear the indignation in Annalise’s voice.

“But you were abandoned by her.”

“No, not that either,” Annalise said.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Eve said to Marie. “I want to follow up soon. We should go.”

“Yes, it was nice to be visited,” Marie said.

Eve said to Marie, “I have a lot going on this week, but maybe next week?”

Marie nodded, reaching for Eve’s hands. She said, “I know that you’ll do a good job of getting my story out. Just make sure Elliot sees it, that’s all I want.”

           

“Who is Elliot?” Annalise asked, on the way to the car.

“Her brother,” Eve replied. “I spoke to him once. He’s doing okay but was adamant that I not try to have sympathy for what Marie did. I don’t think he knows how much Marie protected him. He just sees her as the crazy person who killed their father.”

“He doesn’t remember that night?”

“I’m not a doctor but he’s clearly suppressing it,” Eve said.

“It’s good of you to be so concerned about both of them.”

Eve explained, “I got a call from her last night. All my string-pulling worked. I got her out of solitary. I was just making sure she’s okay.”

“But you’re not her lawyer?”

“No, and no one else is either. I’m just trying to keep the system from eating her alive.”

“Why did you choose her for your work?” Annalise asked.

“She was sentenced right after she turned eighteen, and I was driven by the question of how vulnerable people, like a teen with a mental illness, can be spared from the violence of execution only to face greater injustice as they are socially disposed of, locked away to uphold a bourgeois façade about who is safe.”

“You should see if there’s a way to reunite her with her brother. It would be good for everyone and your book would be unforgettable.”

“So jaded yet so brilliant,” Eve said, as they got in the car.

“No,” Annalise explained. “I’m just thinking about her, and how… her brother needs to know. So that they can heal. I have a strong feeling he doesn’t know the whole story, and hearing her personally explain why she did what she did – for him – might change things.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I know,” Annalise said, “that it’s easy to misunderstand these situations. But when you know that someone committed an act of violence directly to save you, it stops being just an act of violence. It becomes a heroic thing.”

Eve bit her lip pensively as she looked both ways to turn out of the parking lot. “I’ll try harder to talk to him. Thanks for your perspective.”

“I know Nate said no work talk,” Annalise said, “But it’s good to be able to pick the brain of the great Eve Rothlo.”

“ _Stop_ ,” Eve requested lightly with a smile. “I can’t believe you’re flattering me when you took down the whole Senator Trucco ring of corruption.”

“He didn’t go to prison of course, but he’ll never get elected again, or be hired to do more than clean a window,” Annalise said, with an air of braggadocio in her voice. “I am not to be messed with.”

“God, you’re perfect,” Eve said.

Annalise giggled just a little, turning away demurely like she could not bear the compliment.

 

Eve was grateful the next day for the simplicity of taking Annalise out to the vineyard. She said, “It would be fun to search the city for the most perfect champagne,” and Annalise was on board. As far as wedding-related activities went, this one was probably the easiest to execute without accidentally spoiling the secret.

The vineyard was a ways drive from where she lived. The wine bar was sleek with modern décor, high rafters and natural sunlight, the mild scent of oak permeating the room. They took the stools at the wooden bar and struck up a conversation with the person behind it about how they were American wine connoisseurs who couldn’t imagine leaving France without having tried the very best.

“Tell me your favorite dessert and I can tell you each the most perfect pairing,” he said.

“Peach cobbler,” Annalise said.

Eve said, “Maybe… some kind of cake? Like a chocolate mousse cake?”

“That’s Nate’s favorite,” Annalise remarked.

“Yeah, he got me hooked on it,” Eve saved. To the bartender, she said, “Maybe we can do a tasting of whatever you recommend, then do a tasting of just champagne?”

Annalise nodded along.

They sampled white wines, and Annalise took sips of each one, but finished none. She repeated this with reds. By the third sample of champagne, Annalise put her forehead down onto the bar and mumbled, “I can’t do this.”

“You okay?” Eve said.

“I have a headache. It’s the champagne.”

“Oh, I didn’t know. Champagne headaches are a problem for a lot of people. You wanna head home?”

“Yes.”

Eve paid and escorted Annalise to the car, concerned.

 

Annalise crawled into bed and Eve cooked while she slept. She wondered if the headache was the main thing that was bothering Annalise. She had seemed a little disinterested during the wine tasting – or as if there was something else on her mind.

It was possible that without having a context for why they were doing the activity they were doing, she was simply bored.

While the soup was simmering, she picked up the phone to call Nate only to see that he was calling her.

“Hey what a coincidence, I was just thinking of you,” she said.

“Great minds,” he replied.

“How’s the case going?”

“Incredible, actually. The case is mostly over – he took a deal.”

“Oh my god, that’s great!”

“Yeah, it would’ve never ended otherwise. We were having trouble rounding up witnesses. We had a few people go missing and we’re not sure if his people took them, or if they’re hiding from him, or if they’re in cahoots with him. It’s still a mess. But finding him was by far the worst of it, and the fact that he’s pleading guilty saves us a lot of work.”

“So you still have a lot to do.”

“Well I wanted to ask you how things are going out there. I’m thinking about coming back.”

“You can do that?”

“It would piss off some of my superiors, but not too much. They appreciated that I came back to the states in the middle of my vacation, and I’ll remind them of that when the promotion conversation comes up.”

“But you don’t want to get on their bad side at all, right?”

“I want to prioritize Annalise. I have the chance to save this vacation and I still have a chance to propose to her in the most romantic place possible.”

“I know how you feel,” she said. “I see why you’re not trying to let anything go wrong with her. She’s incredible.”

“Have you two had fun?”

“Yeah, we’ve been living it up in the city, and oh my God Nate, you have to see her in the dress. You have to see it. I almost cried.”

“Hey, crying at the sight of the bride is my job,” he teased.

She laughed. “I swear though. You’re gonna have the most beautiful wedding. You know, thanks to me.”

She could hear him smile over the phone.

“Um. I have to give you the heads up on something though,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I should just ask you: Do you want to have children with her?”

“Of course. You know I’ve always wanted kids.”

“Okay, but have you talked to her about it?”

“Yeah…” he said.

“And she said she wanted them?”

…

“Nate?”

“…Well, I don’t recall that conversation just now, but what, did she say something to you?”

“You have to talk to her. Again. Or for the first time, whatever.”

“How did the topic of having kids even come up?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t spoil the proposal. A baby fell into her lap and it just led to that conversation organically.”

“Well whatever Annalise and I decide, it’s personal between us.”

She could sense the tension in his voice. “I’m practically your wedding planner Nate, and your best friend, so don’t pretend this conversation is some kind of invasion of your privacy.”

“What did you say to her? Did you tell her you don’t want kids?”

“Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Because not every woman is like you! And you can’t try to convince them to be.”

She scoffed. “ _Convince_ them? Are you kidding? She’s not some young impressionable girl, she’s an adult woman-“

“-who I swear I remember telling me she loved children-“

“Okay, so _that’s_ your flaw. _You_ read into that. I love children too! I love my nephew more than my life itself! That doesn’t translate to ‘I want to have kids’.”

“I just want to know if you influenced her.”

“Are you serious right now? You’re dating one of the most brilliant women in the world, but as soon as she has a feeling that is unapproved by you, you think it’s because she’s not smart enough to think for herself. Thanks, on behalf of all the women out there, for that vote of confidence.”

“You know I’m not trying to say that.”

“What are you trying to say?”

…

“I’m listening,” she said. “Tell me, smart man, what you think is best for me, and your future wife, and all the women who do or don’t want children?”

…

The thing was, she knew she was out of line. She knew they both were. She knew that despite being a police officer who dealt with violence and belligerence regularly, he was the most emotionally sensitive person she knew. And she knew what that silence was about. She heard that silence when he called her up a year ago, when he had asked her to come see him, to come on the next flight to Philadelphia, and she knew by the silence that followed, that Nia was gone. And now he wasn’t speaking, and she reminded herself that there were better choices than her ego.

“Nate, I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t mean to blame you,” he said. “I know that you didn’t do anything to hurt me. I know there’s nothing wrong with you not wanting to have children.”

“I’m sorry too.”

 “It’s just, I really hadn’t realized that she didn’t want to do it. I guess I just projected my urgency onto her. I lost time with Nia, and I lost Nia, and I just wanted to put some kind of life back together and make everything right.”

“You can’t use her for that. You know? It can’t be about that.”

“I know.”

“You were right though. Earlier. You shouldn’t be talking to me about this, at least without talking to her.”

“I just need time to think.”

“She’s sleeping right now, also.”

“It’s not really late over there, right?”

“No, it’s dinner time, and she’s just taking a nap.”

“Well I just want to say again that you’re saving my ass and I appreciate you. You’ve always been there for me.”

“And I always will. Let’s talk soon.”

 

Annalise came into the kitchen as she was hanging up. She looked sweet when she had just awaken, a little dazed, with a blue robe and a head wrap. She took a seat at a barstool.

“You woke up just in time for dinner,” Eve greeted her. “Here.” She scooped a spoonful of soup and, cupping a bowl underneath it, brought it across the bar counter to Annalise’s lips. Annalise blew on it gently, then took a bite. “Mmm,” she said, beaming at Eve. “What is it?”

“It’s ratatouille. One of my first nights here, I went out to dinner with colleagues and I got the soup du jour which was this. It was so amazing, so I got a recipe book and learned how to make it. Now you can bask in its goodness. But I just realized it’s not ready, so here, do you want chips to hold you over?”

Annalise nodded, and Eve poured her chips on a plate and set it before her.

“There are so many great restaurants here. That’s gonna be one of the main things I miss,” Annalise said.

“Same,” Eve said. “I know you can’t ship an entrée from France to New York, but by God I’m gonna figure out how to by the end of the summer.”

“This summer?” Annalise asked. “What’s happening then?”

“My three-year sabbatical will be over,” Eve said. “I’m spending the summer wrapping up loose ends, doing letters for the students I advise, and then I’m going back to Colombia and my firm in the fall.”

“…in New York,” Annalise said.

“Yeah.” Eve stirred the soup and tried to figure out what was missing from it.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you again,” Annalise said. “But you’ll be close by.”

Eve smiled at her. “You can come see me all the time. We’ll go to a play, we’ll do the tourist thing, we’ll find hole in the wall bars. Whatever you and Nate want to do.”

Annalise did not say anything, crunching on chips and rearranging the ones on her plate.

“Oh, I mean,” Eve rushed to recover her statement. “I was picturing Nate there, but if you’re ever in town without him, it would be fun for us to hang out one on one. Like old times. Or, like now.” She laughed.

“Do you think we’d stay friends in a world where I wasn’t with Nate?” Annalise asked.

Eve sobered. “What makes you ask that?”

Annalise gazed at the marble countertop. “I lied. I didn’t have a headache, I just felt really overwhelmed and wanted to get out of there. I have a question and I know you’re – I know that Nate is the one you’re loyal to, but I really need you to be honest with me, please.”

Eve knew that she should not promise such a thing if it was going to test her loyalty to Nate. But the look of desperation on Annalise’s face was too much. “You can ask me.”

She looked up at Eve. “Is he planning to propose to me?”

She took the stool across the bar from Annalise. “Yes.”

The air was heavy. It was not supposed to be.

“I was sitting there at the vineyard,” Annalise said quietly, in a low, even tone. “I was excited to be there with you, to have wine with you and talk. And then you said ‘chocolate mousse cake’, Nate’s favorite, and it just all came together. You wanted me to try on wedding dresses, look at flowers, see romantic parks, have desserts. And pair a champagne specifically with his favorite cake. I realized that you were doing all of this for a reason.”

Annalise’s voice cracked and Eve realized she was holding back tears, and they weren’t ones of joy.

Eve was careful with her tone. Gently, she said, “I thought you loved him.”

Annalise considered her next words. Slowly, she said, “I care for him. But we’ve known each other for less than a year. There’s so much I don’t know about him. For example, I never thought he’d be someone to propose so soon, especially because I just got out of a horrible relationship. And there’s so much he doesn’t know about me, like the fact that I don’t want to have his children. But more importantly, I don’t think he loves me the way he thinks he does or the way he wants to. He loves Nia. And I’m not her. I’m not ever going to be able to replace her the way he wants me to replace her.”

Eve took a deep breath and tried not to interrupt. She wanted to say, “You can’t tell me these things before you tell him.” She wanted to say, “I’m always going to be on his side.” She wanted to tell Annalise that Nate was the best man she could ever love and that these issues were not insurmountable. But the problem was that Annalise was her friend too now. Annalise was someone she wanted to protect. Annalise had her sympathy, and her loyalty to Nate did not undo this.

And Annalise had a point. These issues just might be unsurmountable. It was too soon after Nia’s death. She’d thought it from the very beginning.

“I’m glad you felt like you could tell me,” Eve said. “I know it’s hard confiding in me, since I knew Nate first.”

“I know you’re not going to give away my secrets,” Annalise said.

“I won’t,” Eve said.

“It’s easier to share with you than probably anyone I know. And I’m not ignoring the ways that that’s hard for you.”

Eve reached across and squeezed Annalise’s hand. “I’m glad I can be there for you. Let’s eat and then, I guess I can take a walk down the street so you and Nate can talk?”

Annalise nodded.

           

Eve told Annalise to text her when the talk was over.

She went to the Sacre Coeur. She sat in the garden and wondered what kind of conversation was happening between Annalise and Nate.

Annalise would break up with Nate, and then she would leave the city.

And Eve would never see her again.

She’d have Nate, she’d comfort Nate, but she could never tell Nate her most selfish feeling, how much she wished Annalise hadn’t left _her_.

Annalise sent the text two hours later. As soon as she got the message saying, “I just hung up with him,” she was tempted to call Nate, but simply texted, “I’m here when you need me.” He was a ‘process, then talk’ kind of person. Her walk was melancholy, but there was also something purifying about it, because she knew that when Annalise left, it would be step one in ending that sense that even if she did not act on her feelings, she was breaking the trust of the best person she knew in the worst way.

Annalise, sitting on the couch with her phone in hand, looked flushed. She had clearly been crying. “I ended things with him,” she said.

Eve did not speak. She sat next to Annalise and squeezed her opposite shoulder gently.

“He’s okay with it in a way I didn’t expect him to be.”

“Do you feel like it was mutual? Or…”

“No. He wanted to stay with me,” Annalise said. “But I know he knows that we’re just not right. For each other, or for right now.”

Annalise face crumpled, and she came closer into Eve’s embrace, putting her arms around Eve and her face in Eve’s neck. She stayed there quietly, but Eve could feel her subtle sobbing.

Eve’s heart broke for Nate, and she wondered if she could handle being the emotional support for both of them.

 After a moment, Annalise said into her chest, “Can you distract me?”

Eve ignored the completely inappropriate ideas summoning in her head and said, “I just started collecting all of these classic film noir mystery genre movies. I hope you like murder.”

“I love murder, I love plot twists, I love a psychological thriller,” Annalise replied, drying her eyes.

“Great, then you’ll love _Ne jamais croire une Dame Rich_ \- Never Believe a Rich Dame. It’s about this detective who gets hired by this woman to figure out what happened to her husband, and it’s pretty obvious that she’s the one who killed him, or at least it seems. The storytelling is pretty avant-garde for the era. I won’t give away the ending but I’ll tell you that you won’t see it coming.”

Annalise smiled at her, searching her eyes as she explained the film.

Eve looked back to the TV, focused on pulling up the title and not on the pleasing feeling of being gazed upon by Annalise in this particular way.

Annalise settled right back into her shoulder and she wondered if she deserved to be smited for thinking that sitting there with Annalise, having her gently touch her, sharing a movie on a cozy night at home was the most blissful thing she could be doing.

 

She was awakened in the morning by the sound of her phone ringing, then the realization that she and Annalise had slept through the night on her couch. She was sitting, leaning against a side cushion, and Annalise was sleeping with her head buried in her lap. She grabbed her phone. Nate. “Hi,” she whispered.

“Hey,” he said.

“I’m so sorry, Nate. I really am.”

“She’s afraid of a good thing happening to her,” Nate said. “She won’t say it, but I know.”

 Eve looked at Annalise in her lap. She carefully maneuvered from beneath her. “Okay, but what if she is afraid?” she said, going into her room and closing the door. “Whatever her feelings are, those are valid reasons not to get married.”

“She doesn’t even want to be with me. At all.”

“What did you say to each other?”

“She said she wants me to focus on my own healing, and I can’t do that if I’m using her to heal.”

“Is that maybe true?”

“She doesn’t want to be with me either way, so it doesn’t matter if it’s true.”

“Do you remember the night you first told me about her?”

“Yes. I was so excited to be getting to know her – I needed to share that.”

“And do you remember what you said about Nia?”

“I said it was like Nia sent her.”

“Yes. I wasn’t about to argue with you on that. For all I knew, Nia really did send her. But I think now you have to at least consider a different perspective: Consider how much pressure it is on someone to be the woman that your late wife sent to you. Consider how soon it was for you to even have been thinking that.”

She heard a defeated silence.

“I see that,” he said. “I just want to talk it out with her again, face to face when I see her. I assume tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? You’re still coming back here?”

“No, I assumed she was flying back to the US.”

“Did she say that?”

“No, but who continues to crash with their ex’s friend after breaking up with him? I didn’t think you’d even allow it. Would you?”

“I haven’t talked it out with her.”

“And if you talked about it? You’d accept keeping her around?”

She knew that Nate was not accusing her of anything. She knew that. He _trusted_ her, he _believed_ in their friendship, the thing that had accompanied him through years of joy, and the thing that had sustained him through the most mournful year of his life.

It was not an accusation.

But Eve felt guilty as the raw truth became impossible to ignore – that she had not just befriended Nate’s girlfriend, his would-have-been fiancée. She coveted her. She adored her. She felt like every butterfly in that rose garden had landed in her stomach. She wanted to curl up on the couch with her, watch movies, watch her light up at the taste of new foods, look stunning, breathtaking in a dress and know she was going to be the one taking it off of her at night.

“Uh, if she wanted, I’d be fine with that.”

“Well you’re a better person than me,” Nate said.

“I’m not doing it just to be selfless,” Eve replied.

“What do you mean?”

“You wanted me to like her, and I do. She’s my friend now. We still have plans in the city. We even made plans for when I get back to the States. I’m not going to do those things if it hurts you. You say it and I’ll stop befriending her.”

Nate groaned. “You know I can’t ask you to stop being her friend. For one, this isn’t middle school. And two, I have to accept that she didn’t actually do anything for you to want to stay away from her. Nothing she’s done has been unfair.”

“You don’t have to be fair though,” Eve said. “You can be selfish.”

Her actions would be inherently selfish unless Nate chose to tell her no.

“I want you to be happy,” Nate said. “And I want her to be happy. So do what you want.”

 

She wanted breakfast to be perfect, but somehow she ran out of flour and couldn’t make pancakes, waffles, or biscuits. “Damnit…” She decided to run to the store.

Annalise had wandered from the couch to the den, so she called gently, “Annalise? I’m gonna take a stroll to this little grocer down the street. It’s about a twelve minute walk.”

“Come in,” Annalise called, and she entered. Annalise, sitting on the bed, rubbed her eyes. “Give me ten minutes and I can come too. I want to get some sun.”

Annalise showered and emerged from the bathroom dressed, not a hair out of place, and even wearing light makeup after roughly fifteen minutes.

“You look way too perfect for having woken up minutes ago,” Eve remarked.

“I have to keep up with you,” Annalise replied with a suggestive glance at her, as she walked past her to the doorway to put her shoes on.

Eve had started to wonder, and it was a wondering that burned her up inside, if maybe the affection, the attention, the flirtation was intentional. The idea was not realistic, but she couldn’t let go of it.

She decided to ignore – to intentionally dismiss – the comment. This could so easily lead to her giving into her feelings, but she would not do that. She would not do that any worse than she already was, for a woman who Nate was devastated over at this very moment.

Outside it was muggy, gray. “Like the universe wanted to be consistent with my mood,” Annalise remarked, as they strolled along the cobblestones. “I just hope it’s not like this for Nate.”

“The weather?”

“This feeling, like nothing I could do can make it right.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Eve promised.

“He wants to stay friends.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I do. I wasn’t sure before. Remember when I had that perfect wedding dress on?”

“It was unforgettable.”

 Annalise linked arms with her, as they had been wont to do. “It was fun, it was a good feeling. I told you how I didn’t get that with Sam. I felt dread. Well, knowing Nate wanted to marry me made me feel the same way. I knew I could not give him what he wanted from me.”

Eve continued to stroll alongside her, unsure of what motivated the lull into silence, but not uncomfortable with it.

They felt the initial rain drops just long enough to process that it was happening before it began, ceremoniously, to pour.

“That’s the reason for the gloom,” Annalise concluded, letting go of Eve and reaching to cover her hair with her neck scarf. “The universe wanted to get back at me for Nate by destroying my hair.” She ducked under the overhang at a storefront, and Eve followed.

Eve said, “The universe can’t punish you. You’ve never done anything to wrong him.”

Annalise, looking again at her shoes, shook her head. She looked up again at Eve, huddled next to her under the underpass. Tentatively, like she was afraid of being burned, she reached out to touch Eve’s face, stroking her hair. Eve felt every butterfly flutter at once at the bittersweet perfection of the touch. She wanted so much more, she wanted so badly for this touch to mean to Annalise what it meant to her.

And then from Annalise there was that gentle, almost undetectable pulling forward, and Eve kissed her, desperate for her like she was the apple in the garden, something she could not resist even when she knew it would poison her from the inside. With her lips against Annalise’s, her hands around Annalise’s waist, her body pressed against Annalise’s, she felt the words forming in her throat, not even a whisper, words she could not say even though she knew she had to.

“We… can’t,” she breathed against Annalise’s perfect mouth, against her own will. “We can’t,” she repeated, pulling herself away.

Annalise looked at her, dazed. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

Eve wanted to grab her, hold her close, touch her hair, her face, tell her _don’t you dare apologize_.

“Let’s get to the market before it starts raining even harder,” she said instead.

The rest of the walk was silent. She kept touching her lips together, feeling where Annalise had been just a moment ago. She would never – would never – allow herself to do it again, so she had to savor everything about it.

Annalise was the most forbidden thing Eve had ever desired.

Annalise went home on the next flight.

 

There was something about the bustle, the urgency, the determination of Manhattan that always invigorated Eve, especially in the approaching autumn season when she prepared to teach in the new school year. The fact that nothing slept, nothing ever seemed to close, no one ever wound down was the greatest adrenaline rush, and after two decades living there, it was also home, the place where she felt comfort and peace.

She was also excited to see everyone, from her cousins, to the same door man at her apartment, to Nate.

Nate was doing well – he had gotten that promotion, and moved out of his old house into a smaller place. If there was ever a need to make more space, he said, he and some potential lady would cross that bridge no earlier than when they got to it.

And as they spent the day catching up, he seemed as committed as she was to avoiding the topic of Annalise, so she had been able to safely evade destroying her relationship with him just yet.

The new house was quaint, cozy with a guest room and a garden and a series of photos at the mantle of him with Nia. He’d never used the fireplace because it was still so hot, but she hoped he would have someone to cozy up with beside it, one day when he was ready.

She’d wondered so many things over the summer, but the thing that kept her awake was wondering if he would blame her for his breakup.

And if he was as okay as he said he was.

If he was just doing the tough thing and pretending to be fine.

She knew how much that never worked for him.

“Do you have plans with Annalise?” he asked. It was out of nowhere. They were sitting in the living room with sweet tea, talking about how good it was to catch up, and suddenly, Annalise.

“Why would I have plans with her?”

“Because you’re back. You said you had plans with her, so I assumed you would be seeing each other.”

“…seeing each other?”

“Well not in that way, obviously.” He put his tea down. “I was just making conversation. No… I was wondering how she is.”

“We’re not really… we don’t have plans.”

“Eve,” he said. “I’ve known you a long time. I can tell when you’re trying to be cool about something. So I have to ask you, and I don’t want you to lie to protect my feelings. I know how excited you were about Annalise. I know you. So I have to ask: Did you stop talking to her because you thought it would hurt me to see you two as friends?”

“No,” she assured him, her voice cracking. She cleared it. “We just… she went home after you two broke up, and that’s it.” She added, “It just happened and we never spoke after that.”

“She left town after the breakup?”

“Yes.”

“So around four days early?”

She was aware that every word she said would further indict her in his mind later on, when he found out. But she also knew that the only reason he would ever find out is because she could not bring herself to keep lying to him.

“Nate… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what?” He sounded like he was unconvinced she had done anything really wrong.

“I kissed her.”

She didn’t even want to look at him, and she certainly did not want to see the way he was looking at her, in the thick silence, but she looked up and in his eyes saw utter confusion.    “When?”

In his voice, she could hear the dawning accusation, the connection he was making.

“ _After_ the breakup,” she replied. She wanted to elaborate, but she had little to say to justify it.

“Did she kiss you back?”

She nodded, hating to reveal Annalise’s culpability, but knowing that this conversation was all or nothing.

“Did it go beyond that?”

She shook her head, tears in her eyes. “We both put a stop to it. And then she left that day.”

There was no ice, no fire in his voice, in his expression, just sheer devastation when he looked at her and said, “Why would you do this to me?”

“I thought I was helping your relationship by doing what you asked, and by the time I was aware I was falling for her, I thought I could just ignore it. Be her friend. Be a good friend to you. I didn’t expect it to happen and we were both so sorry right away.”

“You _fell_ for her? You told me I was ridiculous for falling for her so soon, and it took you less than two weeks to feel like you were so in love you could betray my trust and sabotage my relationship?”

“No, no… I did not say you were ridiculous, I just said maybe it wasn’t good to say Nia sent her, especially that first week you met her. And I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He shook his head. “You’re a hypocrite. How am I supposed to trust anything you do? You kissed her, knowing it would hurt me, and that you can’t even have her because she doesn’t even like women.”

“She kissed me back, Nate. The reason you’re surprised is because she never told you a lot things. She knew exactly what you wanted her to be, no more, and no less,” Eve said. “I’m not saying it to hurt you, you just really didn’t know her like you thought. And part of that is on you for being such a fan of her that she couldn’t disappoint you.”

“I don’t want anything to do with either of you,” he said. “Go be with her for all I care. And have a nice life. I’m not about to get betrayed twice.”

“Nate-“

“Get out.”

 

At her worst moments, she had always turned to Nate. But now, as she took the drive back to New York, she wondered what she would do without him. What she could do to convince him to take her back. Whether she deserved that at all. Whether she really did dismantle his entire year’s worth of love with the right woman.

She took a detour at the gay bar in Manhattan, the one with the low-key vibe and the mixed crowds. If her day was going to go to hell, she might as well drink herself into a stupor to get through it.

She made no effort to count drinks but it was probably by number five or six that she realized her head was too heavy to hold up and she was going to vomit on the next person to bump into her.

“Sweetie, do you need me to get you a cab?” she heard a voice ask from the other side of the bar as she lay her head on the counter.

She whined her response, “He hates me so much, he’s never gonna talk to me again.”

“So that sounds like a yes, give me your phone and I’ll put an Uber in for you, that way they’ll take you straight home.”

She kept her head on the counter, and channeled a faraway time when she had not thought to take apart the love that she had been given.

“Ma’am, we don’t want to call the police, but we don’t know where to send you.”

She wondered if the spinning, the inward collapse of the room would ever stop, as she felt her body hit the floor.

 

Somewhere in her just-almost-conscious blur, she felt someone gently shake her. She felt the person try to pull her upright.

“Eve?”

She identified the speaker’s voice just as she opened her eyes and focused them to see her.

Annalise.

“My hero,” she mumbled, tumbling into Annalise’s arms from the booth she had somehow ended up at.

Annalise caught her, but barely. “Okay, I’m taking you to my place so you can sleep it off,” Annalise asserted.

She processed snippets of Annalise thanking the bartenders, of getting in an Uber, of being put in bed. In the midst of the rubble, the aftermath of her and Nate, it felt like something rising from the ashes.

 

She opened her eyes and looked around the strange room lit with midday sunlight. She stumbled into the attached bathroom and collapsed to the toilet, vomiting purple liquid.

She felt a touch on her shoulder and looked to see Annalise pulling her hair out of the way.

“Don’t look at me,” she choked, feeling worse now.

“Okay, but I’m right here if you need me,” Annalise asserted. “I have an extra toothbrush for you right here.” She thankfully left the bathroom.

Eve opened the toothbrush and brushed her teeth with Annalise’s toothpaste. She pulled her hair into a ponytail. Her head felt heavy and achy, and she was still nauseated.

In the bedroom, Annalise had a glass of water for her. She drank it all, wishing she was not having the worst hangover in recent history in Annalise’s presence.

“You’re a saint for saving me yesterday,” Eve said, sitting cross-legged facing Annalise on the bed. “I was so gone I don’t even remember calling you.”

“You didn’t,” Annalise replied. “Nate did.”

She blinked. “But…”

“You were publically intoxicated, but the bartenders sensed you were really miserable about something and felt too bad to call the police like they usually do.”

“I’m glad I can say I’m too pathetic to arrest,” Eve quipped.

“They called the last person in your phone history… which was Nate. He sounded really worried and apologetic when he called me. He wanted to come get you but since he was in Philly where you last saw him… he called me.”

“I thought you lived in Philly too.”

“I moved my practice here. Staying in that house, Sam’s house…” Annalise shook her head. “Anyway, I’m glad I could come get you.”

Eve needed to rewind. “So Nate, who never wants to see me again, called you to take care of me?”

“I had a really long talk with Nate last night,” Annalise said. “It was good. Even though we broke up almost three months ago, we never let ourselves fully discuss some things. Like Nia, and how for him it was beautiful to feel like Nia approved of us from the afterlife, especially since he met me so quickly. But for me, it kept me from being honest with myself or him about whether our relationship was progressing. I was dating him _and_ his dead wife.”

“I understand that,” Eve said. “I saw that.”

“He’s coming over. He wants to talk to you.”

“Now?”

“I told him noon, so yeah.”

Eve smiled at her. “I was so happy last night to see you. Confused but happy.”

“Why did you drink yourself almost into a coma?”

“Because I self-destruct when I’m emotional. I assumed I had ruined things with the best person in my life.”

Annalise cast her gaze down, guilty.

“And because I knew I was a bad person. Because even through all that, I still wanted you.”

Annalise looked at her with what Eve could only read as affection, and maybe desire. It hung between them like a bubble, then burst at the sound of the doorbell.

Annalise went to let Nate in.

Eve stayed on the bed, taking another drink of water in hopes of feeling less awful.

Nate came into the room. “Hey. Can we talk?”

She nodded, and he closed the door. She patted the bed, and he sat next to her.

“You’re not an easy person to be mad at,” he said. “I was so ready to be done with you, and not four hours later I got a call about you needing me. I didn’t know who the hell these people were, if someone had drugged you, or if you were alcohol poisoned. So I had to face something.”

“What?”

“That I wanted Annalise to be there for you. That I was glad she cared about you and was nearby. And that I was really pissed, on principle, that you kissed her. I still am. But that I’m not in love with her. I thought I was, back then. But I made it hard to actually know her.”

“So you sent her to me.”

“I’m not a saint, Eve. I’m not here to make some sacrifice. But I want good things for you, and Annalise is obviously a good thing for you. I came to tell you that you have me no matter what, including if you want to be with her.”

Eve felt her burning tears rush to the surface and spill over. She shook her head. “Nate, I can’t do this if it’ll hurt you. That’s why I spent last night drinking my pain away. I chose to kiss her and I should have to face what that did to you.”

“It made me feel like a fool. Like you were the reason things shifted between me and her. But it was deeper than that, and it pre-dated you. And I know you would never have intentionally done something to hurt my relationship with her. Or hurt me in general.”

Eve shook her head. “I wouldn’t,” she promised.

Nate reached for her and pulled her close, squeezing her gently. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

She put her head on his shoulder. “I’m glad we’re gonna make it through this.”

 

Nate left briefly thereafter, and Annalise came in and asked, “Do you want tea? If you’re still feeling sick, it helps.”

“I just want to sleep off my hangover,” Eve said. “Your sheets are so comfortable. I hope you don’t mind if I sleep longer.”

“Stay as long as you want,” Annalise replied. She came closer to pull the covers back and tuck Eve in.

Eve took her hand. “Stay.”

So Annalise nodded and climbed in with her. She curled up behind her and pulled her close. She stayed.

“I missed you,” Eve mumbled.

She felt Annalise stroke her hair. “I’m glad you’re back too,” Annalise said softly. Annalise brought another affectionate, mellow stroke to her hair and face.

Eve let herself be held close, touched sweetly, melting into Annalise’s loveliness, realizing that she had never allowed herself to feel this way without it tearing her up inside. But now… she fell asleep with visions of how great this could really be.

Later on, they would kiss, they would curl up and watch movies, they would cook together, they would do tourist things, they would undress each other out of perfect dresses, they would have Nate over and stay up laughing and telling stories with him until the sun came up. Annalise stole her heart in the city of love and lights, but she kept it in the place she called home.


End file.
